UFO Update or "Get me Sal on the phone..."

You know what's starting to sort of creep me out? 

It's all these ... sort of... almost credible...  UFO stories.   

Throw in the Flames of Hell (viz. California...) and the weekly hurricanes... and 

...and  you can convince yourself that The Aliens have a satellite monitoring the CO2 levels in the upper atmosphere (they call it the Algormeter) 

Once it hits 400ppm they send someone to check it out.  Last time it was this high it was just the volcanos  and the monkeys were just beginning to walk upright.  They just bugged out.  Nothing to worry about.

Four million years later the alarm goes off again. (these are really durable satellites)

They think it's just the volcanoes again so they send an AI to check it out. It downloads the internet and sniffs through it and finds it concerning enough to wire the info back home.  That takes a while.  

By the time a decision arrives back Vega or wherever, the AI says, "Hold the phone. There's a disturbance in the Force."

It's talking about Trump of course.  Like a lot of us the AI got scared shitless when it became convinced there was a real possibility a literal insane person could obtain a nuclear weapon. The AI had not even judged the Kim family insane (maybe a little weird, but you have to remember it's programmed using Vegan standards.)

It even signed off on the Israelis. 

So the AI has a machine  - think of it as an MRI, but smarter - it can just ping you and tell whether or not you are sane.  It has data on millions of higher developed species and... well,  anyway just trust me - it KNOWS whether or not you're crazy. 

The Alien Artificial Intelligence knows Trump is a bridge too far. A literal, shit-snacking, bug-eyed insane person with a red button. (as the Vegan AI put it)

So it calls in an actual starship - with real Vegans.  This is like Bill Kilgore calling in a napalm strike, but with a side of Dark Energy ... Suffice to say, it's very concerned.  The get here on November 9th.  The commander is pissed.  Heads roll.  (The punishment is, the offending Vegan navigator gets morphed into a human and plopped down in a suburb of Houston Texas from which there is no escape)

The Vegans are keeping an eye on the place because of . . .   I don't know... all the water or something. 

And they want to keep the hairless monkeys alive ... because... they want to keep us alive ... uh, because... 

(OK - I'm not a good enough writer to invent a reason for that.)

So anyway - a lot of UFO's start showing up. And then... 

Well, that's just it. The rest of it hasn't happened yet, so you'll just have to wait. 

You tell me though, even if all this isn't true (and let's face it... it probably is) wouldn't it make a fantastic sci-fi movie?  Anybody wants it can have it.  Send me a Rolex if you get it made.

The pitch is Douglass Adams meets the Nihilists. Played as tragedy.

J. Lebowski

    -bucking for corporal