BILLY PILGRIM HAS COME UNSTUCK IN TIME

Actor Michael Sacks surrendering to the Nazis in Slaughterhouse Five (1972)

Last night while I slept my computer updated MacOS, the Apple computer operating system. MacOS is similar to Windows except that it's a fully functioning piece of software.

Still groggy from an uncharacteristically refreshing sleep, I rebooted the machine. The update appeared to have reset the system date inaccurately. When I tried changing it from February 14, 2020 the prosaic (fully functional) MacOS replied "cannot reset system date to a date prior to current date".

Smiling at such an odd glitch in the (normally fully functional) software I decided to make sure that I hadn't lost six months during my 10 hour sleep. Googling "Naval observatory clock" a chilling piece of information leapt off the screen. I stared open mouthed at the impersonal government Helvetica specifically designed to make people believe the words they were reading:

FEBRUARY 22, 2020  GMT 16:00:02.47 

A little after 6am Hawaii time, which matched my microwave and the time the computer was displaying. But the date was still wrong.

Late last night when I settled in it had been September 22. I had just finished a fine Sunday in 2019.  

Now it was 144 days later.

I thought (as I often do): Am I crazy? Deciding now wasn't the time to settle that longstanding dispute, I dove into the internet as it was going to exist twelve dozen days into the future. The ensuing 90 minutes were the most amazing, transformative 5,400 seconds in my 62 years on this planet.

Before the portal closed, and the temporal storm I had stumbled onto subsided, I had download approximately 240 GB of information from next Valentine's Day.

Shall we start with the good news?

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https://www.nytimes.com/2020/02/14/us/politics/trump-impeachment-vote-nears-in-senate.html

NEW YORK TIMES

February 14, 2020

PENCE SAID TO BE MAKING TRANSITION PLANS

CARSON TOP CANDIDATE FOR VP

TRUMP CONTINUES THREAT TO 

"CRACKDOWN ON PRESS"

Washington D.C. - Vice President Mike Pence is apparently planning to undertake a sweeping house-cleaning should the Senate pass a removal vote next week ending the tumultuous term of the nation's forty-fifth president Donald John Trump. 

Sources in the Vice President's office confirmed that Pence plans to replace "the vast majority of presidential appointments." The sole exception seems to be Secretary of Housing and Urban Development Ben Carson who Pence has all but announced publicly he intends to appoint as his vice president. Carson and Pence are the only original members of the Trump cabinet that have survived the full 37 months of the President's term in office.

A highly placed White House official offered a detailed picture of an increasingly chaotic  White House staffed "with interns and the last remaining True Believers like Stephen Miller." 

Miller, 34, a former aide to Trump's first Attorney General Jeff Sessions, has also been with the Trump administration in the role of Senior Advisor to the President since the very beginning. Outlasting even Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump, Miller's invincibility has been attributed to what aides have described as his ability to "mind meld" with Trump. Appearing on ABC's This Week Miller recently said "As I pointed out during the early part of our administration - the President's authority will not be questioned."

The official, who spoke on condition of anonymity, described an increasingly defiant Trump meeting with Miller and acting the head of the FBI discussing the outlines of a plan to "get tough with the press."

Times publisher Arthur Sulzberger, Jr. commented "The President's  threats, attacks, and slander of the free press and the 1st Amendment itself have continued unabated since the Summer of 2015. After almost five years of this nonsense, the American people have had enough. I personally authored today's Times Editorial urging the US Senate to remove this dangerous and corrupt president." 

Trump has peremptorily filed a brief with the US Justice Department alleging that he must be given "adequate and sufficient time to conclude" his presidency should he be removed. This has created fears in some political circles that Trump will attempt to continue holding power after a successful impeachment and removal vote in the Senate. 

Legal scholars point out that although Trump may have plans to delay or prevent his departure from the White House, there is very little he can actually do. John Meacham, professor of history at Vanderbilt University and author of six books on presidential history observed "Unless Stephen Miller can figure out a way to overpower the Secret Service detail and the 26 armed Marines who guard the White House, Trump will be gone one way or another shortly after a successful vote in the Senate remove him."

The Tuesday vote to remove the President is said to be one step closer to passing with the defection of Senator Lindsey Graham (R - SC). Graham informed Senate leadership of his decision over the weekend. Increasingly isolated Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell's continuing support of the President is said to be the only thing preventing a devastating vote that could, according to some senior senate staffers, "be a goose egg" should his support falter.

Graham, facing a difficult reelection challenge, has joined a phalanx of Republican Senators who have publicly indicated they would vote to remove the president following a trial which featured audio recordings of Trump phone calls with Russian President Vladimir Putin. In an apparent mea culpa, Graham issued a full throated denunciation of Trump when he announced his vote. "This president is rotten to the core." said Graham and indicated he would seek South Carolinians' forgiveness for "being taken in by history's most dangerous confidence man."

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I'll be sharing more information from the near future in coming weeks. In the meantime, I've downloaded a copy of the closing Dow and NASDAQ prices for next Valentine's Day.  If you'd like to see them please send an SASE and $4 million to me here at my Wailuku address.

Next Up:  Melania's unearthed hard porn scenes go viral.