Three Hail Marys and a Laura Palmer's Father
The Society for Urging the Exercise of Extreme Caution in the Voting Booth
Leland Palmer Rick Perry
Separated @ Birth?
There is some chance that another talentless, religious poser from Texas may once again succeed a highly intelligent, East Coast educated, elitist Democratic president. There is also some chance that, as a possible artifact of the Fox News / MSNBC bipolarity (or the Wall Street Jornal / Huffington Post bipolarity - feel free to chose your favorite juxtaposition of dueling crackpot media deathstars) that passes for political debate in the country - this may be the new normal.
I'm really a little pissed at myself today. Due to a prior commitment, I had convinced myself that Texas Governor Rick Perry's 'National Day of Prayer' (or whatever the fuck it was) was going to be tomorrow (Sunday 8/7). It was, in fact, held in my adopted hometown of Houston today (8/6). I was actually planning to attend holding up a protest sign - something in my 54 years I have avoided doing. Not the least because (as an aspiring elitist myself) I always thought people looked stupid holding protest signs. As fate would have it - I was attending another event (few elitists, no protesters) in La Grange, Texas - a city known primarily for a defunct whore house. As ever - irony is not dead, not even feeling poorly.
The author: snapping fotoz of dangerous helicopters Hydrating Agitator
So, while I was taking bad pictures at the La Grange Experimental Aircraft Fly-in (left) some lucky bastard was annoying the ersatz Christians at the Rick Perry For President Trial Balloon Rally (or The National Day of Prayer and Fasting - or whatever the fuck it was) at Reliant Stadium.
I have to balance the fact that I had a great time with Pilot Jeff Weiss and Co-Pilot Gifford Hill VFRing from West Houston Airport to La Grange, Texas - with the profound disappointment that I feel at having missed my very first ever (and probably very last ever) mass nut-case political event. Note: there really isn't any other kind.
As (some of) you will deduce from the lead photographs above of Laura Palmer's father and aspiring political Mullah James Richard "Rick" ("I prefer to call him Dick") Perry, my thesis here is that there is high correlation between a 90's television character who is possessed by dark, evil forces which cause him to (innocently) murder his daughter and an 80's era politician who is possessed by dark, evil forces which cause him to (on purpose) seek power way in excess of his demonstrated wisdom and ability to handle it.
Dick Perry was Gore's Texas campaign chairman in 1988 OK, that doesn't really mean anything, but I had to work that information in for the benefit the hand waiving Evangelicals gathered today at Reliant to pray for my soul who think Global Warming is a sulfurous plot from the nether reaches of certain Democrat Satanist sewing circles...
Are we doomed to swerve drunkenly in the electoral SUV between the left shoulder (Carter, Clinton, Obama) to the right (Reagan, Bush, . . . Perry?) I'm not sure there is a centrist politician remaining in the country with any interest in the presidency; but if there is I'm sure Bill O' Reilly (or Bill Maher) would make short work of pointing out his lack of ideologically gore infested incisors as evidence of catastrophic effeteness.
And speaking of elitists (were we?) - when did Rupert Murdoch (that simple ranch hand from Down Under) turn the corner on convincing Joe Six Pack (Mary Ecstasy Tab?) that the country should be run by some down home soccer mom like Sarah Palin? As far as I'm concerned, if Nikita Khrushchev reincarnates and starts waving around cobalt salted MIRVs, I am shade more comfortable with some asshole lawyer from Yale having the Football codes than I am . . . Michelle Bachman (BA, Winona State University 1978; JD Oral Roberts University 1986).
But you can absolutely count on this "Fuck the Evil Smart Guys" theme to run central to any Dick Perry presidential bid. He is, of course, exquisitely qualified to be rankled by intelligence. I present for your inspection, the Governor's college transcript:
Richard "Rick" ["Dick"] Perry - BS Animal Science '72 - GPA 2.01
As you can see, after exiting the Paint Creek Rural HS in Haskell, Texas - right around the time Bill Clinton was not inhaling at Oxford - Dick distinguished himself at Texas A&M (a school that only people who have graduated from seem to think of as a great hall of learning; witness the practice in urban centers of Texas -but nowhere else- of alums obsessively hiring one another.) Bonus: Perry was in the Corps of Cadets so, if elected, is sure to continue slaughtering the ragheads (and their children.)
Full disclosure: I got a BA from Stephen F. Austin State University in 1981 after five years of exhaustive study in the Radio/Television/Film field - racking up a 2.9 GPA. Two points: I was inhaling - a lot - and I have never thought I had enough sense to run for President.
I guess I can understand that people are getting a little fed up with Harvard educated Obama and all those silly assed Ivy League wonks he brought to the Capitol with him. But does this really make you winsome and goose bumpy for cats like John Ashcroft (OK - Ashcroft did go to Yale, but he was a monumental asshole...)
In the spirit of not bitching about a problem unless you can offer a solution I present a modest proposal. Let's elect Jeff Weiss and Gifford Hill (the aforementioned flying team in the Bonanza single engine today) as our next Prez & VP. I guarantee you both of them are smarter than Sarah Palin - otherwise I would have never gotten into an airplane with them at the controls. I am also in possession of sound evidence that neither Jeff nor Gifford are Ivy League material. Let's do the smart thing - ignore FOX and MSNBC and look toward the center - the political space most of the guys who are flying the planes you are riding in inhabit.