Who Needs a Publisher When You've Got a Blogspot Account?

Crazy, Sexy, Cool Geniuses!

Studies show most funny people are scary smart...

Some of my friends have been passing around the insanely funny book "The Internet is a Playground - irreverent online correspondences of an evil online genius" and the associated website www.27bslash6.com/. 

It has occurred to more than one of them that your earnest blogger would be more than capable of expanding his (already expansive) business interests into such environs.  I normally don't publish any of my emails on this blog.  They typically contain overly cruel and thoughtless content which I prefer that hapless targets receive covertly via a blind forward rather than seeing it splashed on a widely followed blog (over 38 hits just this month.)  

Just this once, I'll make an exception.  However, should my hit count rise into three digits as a result, I suggest my numerous acquaintances begin constructing cover stories as to why they know me (my actual friends have had these at the ready for years.)  There is a trove of material in my Gmail 'sent items' every bit as pithy as David Thorne's and God help everyone if I ever discover that it's worth anything . . . 

from	John Kramar jesk@yahoo.com
to		Mark Lee <markwendelllee@gmail.com>
date		Fri, Aug 12, 2011 at 3:02 PM
subject		in case you missed it

I can imagine you writing most of this book, in fact, all of it, depending on your view of cats.

from	Mark Lee markwendelllee@gmail.com
to		John Kramar <jesk@yahoo.com>
date		Fri, Aug 12, 2011 at 4:45 PM
subject		Re: in case you missed it

Yes - he is one funny Aussie! - and who knew there even was such a thing?  I can only hope that if you were to hear him speaking these hilarities rather than writing them, the effect would not be totally lost.  The first 'mate' that fell from his foggoty lips would probably force the conclusion he was just another above average IQ Southern Hemisphere asshole with felon great grandparents who is on a (temporary) lucky streak.  Think Rupert Murdoch.

Thank you for saying that you believed I could have written the book myself. I thought the very same thing.  But I bet this - I bet this fellow couldn't write a 324 page single spaced Form 10K for some broke dick drilling company which complied precisely with all relevant provisions of the Securities Act of 1934 yet was barren of  a single piece of phrasing possessed of even a scintilla of humor.  However: I understand perfectly what a Kiwi is.  In fact, I use them all the time when whipping up those memorable summer salads of mine.  Although the flesh of the Kiwi bird tastes like putrified watermelon and biting into those little seeds is reminiscent of snacking on test tubes, the meat has that wonderful green shade that never fails to brighten up an otherwise dull (and poorly attended) poolside get together.  Besides, who do I even know who can distinguish New Zealand from Australia anyway? 

So, before feeling sorry for me just because I've never been signed by a famous Fifth Avenue publishing house and fewer than 100 people a month read my blog - which is not only more humorous and thoughtful than this guy's but also uses tons more big words - think about this: while he probably spends his days smoking really good Northern California hydro and sifting through thousands of emails from adoring fans, I can say with perfect confidence that he's never once experienced the joy of making an earnest business proposal in front of a room full of small town politicians (and their retarded constituents) which has less than a one in a hundred chance of netting him more than the $11,000 he spent getting the meeting set up over the previous 7 months.

When pondering such depressing inequities between two random english speaking males with white skin possessed of equally witty dispositions (not to mention strikingly similar views regarding the Felis Catus genus) it is also useful to remember that, owing to a mere accident of birth he is not eligible to become President of the United States - still the most powerful job in the known universe.  Not to mention the fact that, while he too is probably vaguely familiar with terms like "taxonomy," he seems to rarely incorporate scientific arcana into his posts. It is these sorts of differences which distinguish the merely clever publishing royalty recipient from the profoundly deep satirist with a mailbox full of collection notices.  And don't forget this: while it is true that most good looking chicks prefer fat bank accounts over outsized cranial volume, the really interesting ones with great personalities will generally gravitate to a fellow like me every time.

FUCK IT ALL - I just noticed that I used the snappy construction "possessed of" twice in the same email.  I'm going to have to erase this and start all over...

________________________________
Mark W. Lee
Club Capital Group
101 Crawford St. #203
Mailstop A-10
Houston, TX 77002-2198

Mark W. Lee, CPA
213 Prospect Ave
Second Floor
Brooklyn, NY 11215


clubcg.com / markleecpa.com
(832) 335-4215