HAPPY EASTER!

An Easter Message from JC and BC fo da AD !

NOTE TO CRITICS:  This piece was written very quickly, in two drafts, sitting in a bathtub. Anyone having the urge to speak ill of The Wailuku Gospels, to say that they don't hang together well, have incoherent storylines, contain vague yet  ridiculous messaging, that the phrasing, spelling, punctuation and syntax are horribly confusing...  should take a very close look at the Original Script. A script has been redrafted 40 or 50 times by some of the best writers in the Business - and yet remains in turnaround after almost 2,000 years.  Lemme ask you? What do you think YOU could do with this fucking mess?                   - .ed

The Simple Truth (working draft)

(New and Improved. Now with even more Organic Bullshit, a Klingon Jesus and and an African-American Lamb)

(Sung in the key of Paul - with a moderately pronounced lisp, increasingly exaggerated as the 'eths' pile up... )

Letter from the humble Ephesian who is called Mark, who has a time machine (which seems at least as likely as Easter) whereby he brings The Fake News (fka 'the good news') to the Modern World.

A servant of Christ and the archangel Giorgio Armani 

brings the comfort and joy of The Truth.

Along with some spurious literary creature comforts 

to hold your attention.

Your brother in Christ Ben hath told you "I am lost." (ed. - maybe a comma in there btw Christ and Ben?)

And yet do you find him? 

You lead him through the dark waters of mine enemy.

You hide from him the light of my Father's morning.

You treat him as if his soul were a store room.

Rather than an Upper Room.

You bring him to Road Houses.

You feed him much rich food - and also wine.

You wageth at him your Most Dangerous Members  (ed. - some way we can make this obvious to the modern audience that we are speaking tongues here - and not those other members?)

Thus you confuseth his soul my sons.

And restoreth not a god damned thing.

I say to you now that so you have called me the King of Unread Blogs

What shall ye call my servant Christ Ben?  (ed. - any ruling on that comma yet?)

A cab?

Do you say that he is your brother?

Do you comfort his affliction?

Or do you just drop him off, drunken, lost and unwashed

at the nearest Trump Hotel when he starts to really annoyeth the shit out of you?

Kind of like we did with Judas I guess.

Now that I thinketh about that.

My Father (hovering just above our heads)

 - at about the altitude of a passenger jet, say -

has said unto me saying this.
He says "My son, I just want to say this:
That Book you would giveth unto Man?

The one I used Mark's time machine to have co-authored

by superstitious, pre-literate Jews and Bill Shakespeare?

It is very likely Man will just eateth the covers off of it."

Yea, I have argued and pleaded with my Father in Heaven.

Man is yet worthy I have saideth.

Man will come around I have saideth.

(Last time I told him that - he opened the .jpg above, airdropped

  to mine IPhone...and just sat there.)

Yea (have I used 'yea' yet?)
though I have told my Daddy which is in Business Class
of those many parables I had saideth

and to which Man had sat stock still and listenedeth.

And witnessed The Many as they heard and believed
the Light that is the Word that is of the Son of Man.
And also the Son of God.  (ed. - I need a LOT of help getting this concept across.)

Though they did use their ears and did listenedeth...
They may have just been hanging around

waiting on the fried fish and cornbread.

And so hath you treateth my servant Ben. (problem solved, drop the 'Christ' - just like the majority of people under 30 have  - ed.)

And a good servant has been Ben.
And Ben's brother Clarence so to.
Clarence has heard your brother Ben's cry in the darkness - 

for light.
And hath granted Citizens United.
And the Truth and Light of the World
Will fall upon the four corners
of the Kingdom of Gerrymander.

Ben, who has wept and drank vinegar 

from $26,000 Limoges tea sets.

Consorting with Pharisees. And Marsh Arabs.

And Russians. And Daddy knows who else.

Ben, in This Present Darkness cried out
for succor.
While you laughed and feasted 

on fatted, range fed, calves.

And Merlot.

Riding in barges with 

the Pharoh.

Posted up 

wid some dirty Ho.

And so your brother Ben walked

into the tilt-wall of Darkness.

And just as you laugheth at his affliction,

So I say to you now

That the Lord God
 - sitting in seat 4C just above your heads -
 - unseen yet real as Xmas Morning -
...will laugh at you. 

When your time am come bitches.

Yea I speak of...THAT GOD. 

THE REAL ONE. THE ONE WHO SNEEZED AND CREATED THE QUARK.

WHO HICCUPED AND OUT POPPED PLANET EARTH.

THE ONE WHO IS CONSIDERING CANCELLING 

THAT PILOT TEEVEE SHOW 

CALLED 'HUMAN HISTORY'.

THAT FUCKING GOD.

Well my brethren,

that God is my Father who hath sentencethed me to rescue your Dumb Asses.

I'm starting to agree with Him that it's a fool's errand.



(NOTE: Close readers of this Letter to the Wailukans should take no inference from the fact that This Good News is being delivered on April Fool's day. It is no joke.  It is every bit as serious as a mammal laying an egg.)